This week’s Free Write Friday exercise from Kellie Elmore asks us to use this image as a prompt.
Here we go …
But for tethered wings, I could fly.
But for a caged spirit, I could soar.
Release!
Sever the strings that bind me
To the Earth!
Unlock the door that imprisons
My weary soul! ~
Awaken me from the illusion
That I need more than I am
To soar.
*
Thanks for visiting …
Dorothy 🙂
*
Copyright Aimwell CreativeWorks 2013
Still more on the personal journey …
I’ve made no secret of the fact I’m in therapy. I hit the proverbial wall a few years ago and at the time, feeling depressed, stuck, fatigued and hopeless, decided if I really wanted to move beyond it I had to figure out how to get out of my own way. So, I put myself in therapy.
Every week the light shines a little deeper into my personal abyss.
This week’s session was another exercise in moving beyond trauma. My awareness shifted once again as I learned to understand my life’s main coping mechanism … invisibility.
“When I’m invisible no one can hurt me.”
Acting on this belief is how I’ve managed to survive. The trouble with this way of being, however, is that it cuts me off from the world around me. I’ve rarely been really present in my experiences and have found it difficult to recognize or accept honest help when it’s offered. A lot of this has boiled down to my inability to trust.
As a result, I have almost no memory of my early years and spotty recognition of times after that. What resonates are the vibrations of traumatic childhood experiences that have conditioned my responses as an adult.
This is what I am seeking to understand and change through therapy. I still have a lot of life left and it no longer serves me to live invisiblly.
My horse is an important part of my journey to wholeness. His power and size mean I must be present when interacting with him. But I must first be there … here … present … for myself. In no uncertain terms Bear teaches me to do this every day.
I need, and want, to be visible but the thought of it, at times, still terrifies me. It is this ongoing battle between the new self-awareness and the old “comfortable” way of being that brings on such great fatigue. And as I prepare, now, to be front and centre on my upcoming wedding day these feelings only seem to become more entrenched and argumentative.
Yet I am determined to see the battle through, rejoice in my visibility, and continue to walk the healing path so my creative spirit can come shining through.
Putting these feelings into words in this blog is part of my healing.
Allowing the words to flow to you by pressing the “Publish” button is part of the challenge.
My finger is inevitably poised over the delete key …
… but not this time.
*
Lost Years
Release the fears,
And all the tears
Wept for the lost
And lonely years.
Be not afraid
Just let them go.
Plant new the seed
And watch it grow
In strength and love
Toward the light,
The shadow’s power
No more in sight.
And be that light
That wants to shine.
It is your turn,
Oh child, mine.
*
Thanks for visiting …
Dorothy
*
Copyright Aimwell CreativeWorks 2013
All Right Reserved
Fifty years ago today, in a hospital in Vancouver, British Columbia, at 3:41 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, I drew my first breath.
Seems odd that already a half century has gone by. Still, this does not depress me. I’ve been engaged enough in self-awareness exercises during the past several years to realize that my life is, in fact, just beginning.
I still have dreams and things I’d like to accomplish.
Sometimes I wonder, “Am I too old?”
No.
Age is more than a number. It’s everything behind it that has made me who I am.
So it is with gratitude and a burning desire to fulfill my measure here on Earth that I continue boldly along the path of my life.
Thank you for being a part of my journey …
Be well,
Dorothy 🙂
*
Milestone Fifty
Stand I now by Milestone Fifty.
Could be nasty; could be nifty.
Could depress me; make me cry.
Could hang my head with a heavy sigh.
Could devour my tender heart,
Yet that’s not how I wish to start
The waning years that fly so fast,
Engage, I must, to the very last
Inspired breath I dare to take
And gasp I give, for goodness sake.
For age is more than just a number
Can give us strength and fill with wonder.
Clouds with silver lining weep
For those who to their golden years creep.
*
Copyright Aimwell CreativeWorks 2012
Most of my recent poetry is about the journey to Self-Awareness.
For a long time I lived the debilitating, fearful, exhausting life of the victim and survivor.
A series of wake-up calls over several years gently nudged me into a new reality, telling me there was more to life than had been my illusion.
So, one day I finally pulled up my socks, strapped on some sturdy shoes, reached deep inside to locate whatever remained of trust and started, with help, down the road to
my truth and personal freedom.
And what a journey it has been so far …
*
Wake Up!
For many years I had no choice,
I only heard another’s voice.
Another’s thoughts had formed my world;
Into their fetid vortex hurled.
Flailing, fighting every day
I tried to live in my own way,
But had no strength to be myself,
So sat, invisible, ‘pon the shelf.
And then, one day, awoke, did I,
To who I’d been, did say “Bye bye!”
Flung out the detritus of life;
Sub-conscious sources of toil and strife.
De-hypnotized old patterns deep,
To climb a learning curve so steep …
Just who am I? Why am I here?
Deep questions full of faith and fear.
But ask I must, and answer, too,
If I to my own self be true.
*
Thanks for visiting.
Dorothy 🙂
*
Copyright Aimwell CreativeWorks 2012
I’m on a journey of self-discovery and, with help, am uncovering all kinds of buried treasure locked away in a safe place within just waiting for me to find it … when I’m ready.
Being a gal in her middle years, it’s good to know life still holds some mystery … and isn’t all misery.
*
Hidden Treasure
Hidden treasure
Lies beneath
A tide of emotion;
An ocean of grief
Filled with the
Detritus drama
Of souls who
Unconsciously
Live and obscure
Others’ goals.
*
Cleansing the
Waters of life
Takes some
Time while I
Lovingly search
For my treasure
Divine. It’s lying
There buried,
Awaiting release
From a watery
Tomb where there
Is no increase.
*
Thanks for visiting …
Dorothy 🙂
*
Copyright Aimwell CreativeWorks 2012
As mentioned in previous posts I’ve been on a fairly intense journey of healing and self-discovery during the past several years. There have been times where I’ve asked the types of questions hinted at in this poem. Now, as I rise out of the valley of shadows that dominated my life for so long, I do indeed find myself able to dwell more fully in the light.
It is a glorious way of being …
The Gift
Deep in the valley
Where dark shades
Prevail I look to the
Skies where the
Feathered ones wail.
They dart through
The light as though
Blinded by hope
They don’t worry,
Nor wonder how
They’re going to
Cope. They call
Me, they call me
“Look heavenward,
See there’s the
Bright ray of hope
Shining boldly
For thee!”
They dance on a
Wing, floating high
In the sky to the
Tune of the sun
And the beat of
Their cries. They
Land for a breath
For a morsel to
Eat, then back on
The wing, flying high,
Flying fleet. No
Wincing or whining
No wondering
Why, just birds
On a wing flying
High in the
Sky. My thoughts
Linger longing
To know how they
Feel, so I climb
From this valley
To find something
Else real. I clamber
Up hillsides o’er
Rocks and through
Trees, and commune
With the living not
Lost in dis-ease. The
Sun gets much
Warmer, the wind on
My face chases out
Haunting demons so I can
Embrace what is
Good what is true
What is hope what
Is love. The gift of
The winged ones
That hover above.
*
Thanks for visiting.
Dorothy 🙂
Copyright Aimwell Enterprises 2012
We all have our place in the cosmos. And be assured … it is significant …
Cosmic Blip
As I change and
Rearrange my life
It seems to me,
That there is
Really no one
Else I would
Rather be.
Okay, life isn’t
Perfect; my trials
Have been tough,
But they have
Made me who
I am, and
Really
That’s enough.
I’ve seen my
Limitations,
Yet I know that
I can grow. The
Sky perchance
The limit, and so
To the stars
I go. The sun
Shines boldly
As I soar, my
Heart begins
To race, but
Not from fear
Of what’s
Gone by, no
Forward to
The chase! Dear
Venus wraps
Her arms around
Me, showers me
With love, and
Mars his sword
Tips to the
Earth as peaceful
As the dove. And
To the stars I
Further fly,
And Earth
Becomes so
Small I realize
My presence is
A blip on
Cosmic wall.
*
Thanks for visiting …
Dorothy 🙂
Copyright Aimwell Enterprises 2012
Space …
The final frontier.
But not out there …
No …
Inside … here!
Space to roam
Around my
Soul;
To mend what’s
Broken —
Make it
Whole.
Space to
Heal
And room to
Grow.
The frontier of
My Soul
To know.
*
Very stream of consciousness, this thought.
Seems to me most people are all too consumed with exploring the mysteries “out there” when the mysteries that make up who they are as individuals are so much more immediate and, dare I say, interesting.
I’m currently exploring my own inner Space, and facing down my share of skulking aliens — casting them from my orbit and into the proverbial Black Hole, hopefully never to be seen again.
But, you know how it is … there’s often a sequel. Fortunately the aliens’ story lines are getting weaker with each episode … 😉
Thanks for visiting …
Dorothy 🙂
As poems go this is pretty deep, written a couple of years ago when I was staring into the dark abyss of my pain while involved in some rather gruelling counselling.
I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’ve been seeking help to rid myself of a life time of emotional baggage. Doing so has been one of the best decisions of my life.
Fortunately, I’m not teetering on the pool’s edge anymore. I’ve dealt with the worst of the agony. Now, with the support of some important teachers and mentors I am focused on living … thriving.
I am grateful.
*
The Pool
I am standing at the edge,
Staring into an abyss of pain.
One step, just one step more
And to the dark pool I drop
Like a stone heading for
Rock bottom. There
Impact meets emotion
And a swell of the surreal
Circles in ever-growing
Impulses around me,
Rising and falling
With a cleansing rain
Of tears
Until it makes waves
No more and again the
Pool is still.
Peaceful.
Waiting.
*
Thanks for visiting …
Dorothy 🙂
Copyright Aimwell Enterprises 2012
I’ve been on a rather arduous journey to self-awareness the past several years.
As anyone who’s boarded that train will tell you it’s a journey rife with doubt, confusion, imagined troubles, sadness, gloom, joy, sorrow, elation, depression, discouragement, victory, relief, anger, grief, pain, ups, downs, happiness … you get the picture. It’s just been an h-e-double hockey sticks of a ride, and I am under no illusion that it’s over. As long as there is life there is room for more self-awareness … as long as you board that train, that is.
And really, I’m okay with that. I’m much happier with where I am now than where I was when this journey began. I just wish I’d thought to leave the station called “Stuck” sooner.
But then, I appear to be a late bloomer anyway, so the timing for all of this is likely perfect … as perfect goes.
Better to be late than never arrive at all.
How’s your journey going?
***
Doubts and Troubles
Sometimes everything seems clear;
All doubts and troubles disappear.
While other times around me tease
Those thoughts that drop me to my knees.
They toy with circuits in my mind,
So to my self I am unkind,
And make me feel like I am dead
Inside to all my soul’s been fed.
Self-preservation numbs all sense
And life is lived in self-defense.
But as we know this is a lie
For in this mode inside we die.
Tis best to feel what life’s about
It gives us strength, inside and out.
Then thoughts will have a chance to clear
While doubts and troubles disappear.
***
Thanks for reflecting with me …
Dorothy
Copyright Aimwell Enterprises 2012
Reflections 